Scope

The scope of Craig's world continues to narrow as his illness progresses. Only a few short months ago, we made an epic and exciting journey to the mountains. Although this trip was at times a drain on Craig's physical resources, I think the peaceful scene and beautiful mountain vistas were a balm for the psyche. After our return, we ventured out on the town--the aquarium, botanic gardens, wash park, and short wheel chair walks. As the days and weeks passed, the scope narrowed still further. Walks and drives became too much, and our goal became to help Craig to the family room when he felt up to the trip. For the past several days even this journey has become too draining. Craig is essentially confined to his bed, with the exception of standing briefly a few times a day.

I recently looked through the pictures taken of Craig while gallivanting about on our adventures. It broke my heart to see the physical changes that have taken place in the last several months, and the diverting experiences that are no longer accessible. These devastating changes have occurred so quickly that it overwhelms the senses. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the deterioration must be for Craig.

Despite the changes that are occurring far too quickly, we still do our best to keep Craig entertained. We watch Craig's old favorites on DVD--the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Monty Python, and Airplane. As Craig's eye site continues to weaken, I've taken to reading him articles from The Onion. Hearing him chuckle quietly at the ridiculous "news" is worth more than I can express. Craig also seems to enjoy just listening to conversation and throwing in his two cents when he can.

Today, Jill and I were discussing Persuasion in Craig's room. A current or recent read for all three of us, I think Craig enjoys listening to us lament about the plight of poor Anne as she's dumped upon by her family. Jill and I are systematically raiding Craig's library and the copy of Persuasion is his. It includes written records of his thinking while he read--comments, questions, and ideas about the novel. These comments are better than gold; they give me an insight into his thought process, something that he can no longer easily share on his own.

One comment in particular caught my eye. He wrote in regards to Lady Russel's attempt to persuade Anne to abandon her chosen suitor. The Lady Russel claims that Anne is "throwing herself away" in her pursuit of the relationship. To which Craig replies, "that's exactly what love is!"

In our conversation today, Craig elaborated that ideally love means that you abandon your selfish inclinations, that you become more invested in the other person's wants and needs than your own. Jill and I agreed, in the context of romantic love and otherwise. Craig gave his sister's love of their mother as an example of this kind of unselfish love. We also discussed whether the removal of self from center becomes instinctual or more natural when true love is experienced authentically.

These brief conversations hopefully provide a respite from the pain and discomfort that are Craig's constant companion. As the physical symptoms become more and more pronounced my personal hope is that we can help Craig keep his emotional states pleasant. We try our best to make this possible, but our creativity has its limits (or at least mine does!). Any suggestions that Craig's friends and family may have for helping us keep his days pleasant would be greatly appreciated.

Emily