Heartfelt Appreciation

This is not the first time that a post has been written about the caretakers of caretakers, those of you who have taken us into your hearts and lives. I am forever grateful to the many people who have offered a helping hand, a kind word, a sympathetic ear (and yes, a warm meal) not just to Craig, but to those of us who have made it our business to provide his immediate care. There are no words strong enough to express how much that help is appreciated.

There are two people in my life who are particularly deserving of thanks, and I felt they also deserved public mention here, partially because they, like so many of you, are glued to the blog on a daily basis. I have usurped this bit of space on the Lawler family blog in order to thank two people without whom I would not, in turn, have been able to help support Craig.

As I grow older, my mom has become as much my best friend as my mother. She has supported me unflinchingly, in all hours of the day and night. She is my rock, the person with whom I share my deepest sorrow, my greatest stress, and my most profound joy. She is wise beyond measure and experience, and is the source of unlimited amounts of thoughtful advice. My mom is my first line of protection when I cannot protect myself in this sometimes too sad experience. I do not claim to understand the loss that Craig, Erin, Jill and Diane have experienced in their mom's passing. However, I can relate through the panic that squeezes my own heart at the thought of spending even a moment in their shoes. I will never be ready. Thank you Mom, for understanding, for loving me, and for always being there.

The second recipient on today's thank you list has been in my life for a much shorter time, although I feel as though we have been kindred spirits forever. We have weathered singledom, bureaucratic nonsense, break ups, road trips, loss, and heartbreak all in the space of just over two years. My friend Laurel will cringe from this public acknowledgment of my thanks. She prefers to lie low, but I thank her all the same. She has offered every kind of support imaginable. She has cried with me and listened to me cry, knowing instinctively that there is a time for both. She has offered sustenance (to Craig's sisters too!) in the form of coffee, treats, and (of course!) a bicycling magazine featuring my favorite celebrity crush. She has acted as a buffer between me and prying questions, and is preparing to take over my classroom when the time comes that I cannot be there. This evening, she is on her way to my house, braving the steps to the basement and an interaction with limpy and loony, the kitty twins-a braver soul could not be found. Thank you Laurel, for listening, for offering true support, and for keeping me sane in a mad time.

Attempting to express how thankful I am for the presence of these two people in my life brings tears to my eyes and pressure around my heart. The thanks I can offer will never be enough.