Everything's Concentrated

(written Thursday night)

It's hard to believe that Craig and I met only 7 months ago. Almost 8. It seems as though time as turned itself inside out--running slow and fast simultaneously. On one hand, these last 8 months have seemed like the longest of my life--full of enough emotions, events and experiences to last several years. On the other, the time has flitted by, leaving none of us the chance to catch our breath. There is never enough time to say all the things I want to say to Craig or do all the things I know we would have done.

Despite the feeling that time is both rushing and stagnant, I believe I have come to truly know Craig. His illness has concentrated everything in our relationship, bringing experiences and emotions that otherwise would have required more time. With every passing day I learn something new that allows me to appreciate the amazing person he is.

These are just a few of the things I have come to know and love about Craig:

• Craig is a thinker. He thinks before he speaks, or writes, or shares his music with others. He's a wordsy person, and appreciates a well-turned phrase, a meaning filled novel, or a poem that has a beautiful image. He is all about the details. He appreciates them in other's words, ideas, and personalities and strives to express himself in a thoughtful, detailed manner.


• Craig is a teacher. He loves to share his knowledge with others. The girls tease him about his never ending music lessons (chromatic scales???), but I was enthralled by the teaching moments the first time he played for me. Craig is a person who feels so passionately that he can't bear not sharing that knowledge with others. That passion would have made him an incredible professor, and I feel honored that I have been able to experience just a few of those teaching moments.


• Craig is an artist. Whether it's guitar or harmonica or a pen or a camera, Craig has an artist's heart. The way he sees the world is beautiful, and he has found the ability in himself to share that beauty with others. Pictures he has taken during his travels at home and abroad give insight into his artistic tastes--color, pattern, light, and pieces of local splendor. On one of our first dates, Craig wrote and played a song for me. It was the perfect blend of sweetness and hilarity and gave insight into the artist that he is.


• Craig is caring and loving. Whether it's paying a compliment to his unshowered, Eskimo Joe T-shirt clad girlfriend, or telling his sisters that he appreciates their unswerving loyalty, Craig is forever kind and generous with his love. Even during the short time we knew each other before he was diagnosed, he was ever the attentive suitor (no pesky three day rule for Craig Lawler). And now, considering the circumstances, none of us would blame Craig if a kind word never slipped from his lips, but he makes a concerted effort to let us know how much we are loved and appreciated.


• Craig loves life. More than anyone I have ever met, Craig has taken advantage of the time he has been given. Craig is that person we all wish we could be, the person who actually does all those things they talk about doing...someday. Whether traveling, exploring his passion for music, reading and attending book clubs, organizing blues jams, creating amazing friendships, or cultivating his strong relationship with his family, Craig is a doer. He determines what he wants in life and makes those things happen. He inspires me to strive for the things that I want in life, to live each day has passionately as possible. And although Craig's ability to pursue his passions has decreased, he still loves life. He struggles every day to have as much life as he can, and I admire his strength always.

I know that many of the people in Craig's life have known him far longer, and more closely than I. Every day I wish that my time with Craig did not have to be so concentrated, that there was more time for all of us to continue to learn about the person Craig is. Someday, far too soon, that time will end. But I know that the things I have learned, the memories I have, and the experiences we have shared will live in my heart forever.

Emily