Stupid say WHAAT?!!

Writing from Mom's room.  The past two weeks have been full of I-cannot-believe-you-just-said-that and oh-no-you-di'nt moments. For instance, two weeks ago (I think) we met with the social worker from the home health agency.  We had been anticipating this appointment for days.  Finally, finally someone was going to help us process everything that had been going on.  Wrong.  Within the first few minutes, it was clear that this was a paper-work only social worker with the compassion of a moldy rock.  Can rocks grow mold? That one could!! Anyway, halfway into her shpeel about getting a lawyer who specializes in elder law and her unrealized dream of becoming an aviation lawyer, she decided to pass on some wisdom.  Here it is folks, and I quote, "Mary, you just need to have a positive attitude. " Uh, stupid say WHAAT? Jill, Erin and I all looked at each other with raised eyebrows.  What a ridiculous and patronizing thing to tell someone who is fighting for their life. It doesn't get more positive than that!  What, is she supposed to walk around wearing an "I Love Cancer" shirt?!  This lady could take lessons from Mom on having a positive attitude, for chrissakes!

The next moment came from the oncologist who, as Jill wrote, decided that because there was small tumor progression we should take Mom to Hospice. Which he said five minutes after meeting her, without prepping the family, and in her direct line of hearing. Nice, a-hole. Methinks you should take the time to get to know the context of a patient's situation before telling the family to put them to pasture. And bring a social worker next time, while you're at it! I was wondering if I would ever be able to find my eyebrows again, they had risen so high when he said that. If I had a nickel for every time a doctor told us she was about to go....I'd have a lot of freaking nickels!

The most recent was this morning when the neurology team came by to do their poking and shouting.  After asking her what she thinks about the weather and not getting a response, the lead dr. began talking to me about how the swelling was affecting her motivation to interact, etc. I agreed but also gave some qualifications as to what also would make it hard for her to respond...like not being able to see what the weather is like, having mouth sores and a cracked lip, not liking to answer questions over and over.  They treated me like I was making excuses for her and she really has brain damage, get used to it. Sorry, I know my Mom and she is there and understands everything. Anyway, the oh-no-you-di'nt moment came when the dr. was discussing meds that might help her feel more motivated to communicate.  He kept repeating "She doesn't do anything. She's not doing anything. We can give her meds, but it most likely won't help." Uh, since when does it EVER make someone want to interact when you tell them they can't and it will never get better?!  And by the way, she does do things. She's breathing, blinking, eating, speaking occassionally, smiles every once in a awhile, and, most importantly, SURVIVING!  Have some respect, Johnny Naysayer!  Getting frustrated by this low estimation of my smart mama's abilities, I decided to interfere and walked over to see if I could get her to communicate and show them that she's there.  So, I looked at her and said, "Mama, I know what'll make you talk. Do you like tofu?" Without skipping a beat, she said, "Hell no!" So there, doubting Thomas's, don't you underestimate my mama!

D