I agree with Jill's post and thought I'd add to it.
I give kudos to the caretakers of caretakers--to all those who have said and done something during this process, and continue to say or do something. Anything at all. You've been the 6th man on the court, cheering us on and giving support when we've grown tired. Words of support and encouragement, extending a hand on our shoulders as we cry--they all give company, comfort and reassurance during what is sometimes a very lonely journey. And, yes, giving support is to embrace it all. To be joyful for good news, to laugh along with the cynicism, to cry along with the tears, to yell along with the anger, to be silent along with the silence, to distract if one needs distraction, to drop everything and show up when not explicitly asked.
We all feel tongue tied and helpless. We've felt tongue-tied and helpless as caretakers. I've chewed my lip not knowing what to say or do as Craig was in pain, and have stumbled over my words as I've tried to ask "heavy questions" to Mom and Craig. I've found you just have to do it--to "risk it" despite the uneasiness, the nerves, the impulse just to leave it alone or the notion that it's a dumb question.
To me, I find comfort in people asking any and all questions no matter how small or how heavy. It's a helluva lot easier to answer questions than to dim the lights, enter stage left, and begin the monologue. I wonder at what point do I lose people, just how much are they cringing or wishing they had chosen the late night movie instead of the real-life drama.
Like Jill and Diane, I often step away and consider what it might be like being the caretaker of caretakers. I know it's not easy.
So, this is me applauding you...our 6th man.
Please keep it up! We need it.
~E
I should be in bed sleeping but the minute I saw that there was a new posting I had to/must get updated with the life and days of the Lawlers. I worry and wonder when I don't see a message. I wonder what is going on today or are they so busy with the care of their loved ones. I agree that so many times we or I don't know what to say or how to phrase what I'm thinking. There isn't a day that I don't think of you in terms of how busy your schedule is , how are you keeping up with the pace, C and M's mental place all of those issues.
ReplyDeleteWe all love you and pray for your strength.
Donna
Your postings help me feel like I'm right there with you. I read them over and over again. Sure there are lots of tears and sometimes I just have to get up and leave for awhile. But I always come back to them and I'm always thankful to have them. I am wondering how you are doing. Whether Craig was able to eat anything, if Mary was sayiing much or maybe singing. I've been thinking of the lyrics from Dad's song "shade's of Isaac Walton, is that another bite? if I wasn't quite so hungry I'd quit this job tonite, but I do so love the kingfish tho it's bite drives me insane I do so wish to catch that fish that I manage to bear the pain" or some such. I 've had that song in my head for days, Maybe Mary can remember the lyrics and help me. Something about the swaying branch of a rubber tree in far off Uruguay. You probably think I've gone nuts, but I thought it might bring back a memory. I called Mary's cellphone on Friday to try to sing it to her. Yes, I guess I've gone batty. Well, I hope today has gone uneventfully and that you've had some good moments. Love to all of you and to you, too, Erin.
ReplyDeleteJoan
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