We just sang Mandy, one of Mom's favorite songs. She used to cry to this song, and though we'd asked her why, we never quite found out the reason. It may have reminded her of her mom. Like Mom, someday our kids will ask us why we're crying to Mandy. The answer will be simple: this was Mom's song.
Since Mom's diagnosis, we've celebrated five birthdays, two holidays, and several milestones - each one with their own significance. Back in January, we celebrated her 6 month anniversary by asking our friends and family to do something special for themselves, and then dedicate it to Mom. That Saturday stood out as a day to CELEBRATE her, and how exceptionally well she was doing; to celebrate her incomparable tenacity, courage, grit, sass, and determination; to celebrate being a survivor! People from all over celebrated along with us, with each taking time to honor Mom. Maria and Dany in Austria sent Mom a You Tube video where they wore Eskimo Joes shirts Mom had bought them just a few years before when they visited us in Oklahoma. Lindsay and Travis took a moment while out in a remote part of Antarctica. Jane took a stroll around a lake and ended the night with a bubble bath, while Nu had a piece of carrot cake - mom's favorite. Our family also joined the call. Alison went shopping, while Chris and Aunt Joan drank wine.
I took myself out for a nice dinner and live music. There's a blues joint in Bangkok that's known for authentic Delta Blues. Having achieved under Craig's patient tutelage a hazy appreciation for the blues, I thought this would be a nice way to celebrate mom, as well as Craig, who was also nearing an important milestone - his second year as a cancer survivor. The first act showcased a trumpet player, who reminded me of Craig (he used to play the trumpet). Then jolly-the-green-giant jumped on stage. I'd describe his sound as a cross between Tom Waits and Jimmi Hendrix. Anyhow, it just so happened that they started with "Messing with the Kid," one of Craig's favorites. I remember seeing Craig play that song live at one of the Denver jam joints.
We relayed all the messages to Mom, and like clockwork, she'd tear up with each story of how people spent their moment in her honor. She felt overwhelmed by all the support. This is another call for support, to commemorate Mom whose entire life has been peppered with important milestones. This is a call to share your stories about Mom, and to join us in celebrating her life while she's here. Do something small that you love to do, and dedicate that moment to Mom. She was a softy for carrot cake, Sonic blasts, and Three Musketeers. We'll share the stories with her, in between songs, of course. She'd think it a hoot. ;)
We just sang Neil Diamond's "Oh Mary" to Mom - another favorite. The three of us stood by her side with a hand on her leg/arm, while dad sat nearby silently crying. This was the first time he had heard the song, and started crying when he heard the chorus that began with "oh Mary." We always imagined dad singing this to Mom. It just seemed fitting; now he did. -J
The thing about Mary--she doesn't just touch your life--she reaches right in and grabs your heart. I first met Mary, Jim, Craig and Diane when Craig and Andy were 3-4 years old. I remember not even having a choice as to whether to like Mary or not--you just loved Mary--that was it. She was always there for you, always had advice--and by damn she was always right! So, I learned quickly just to listen and follow her suggestions/advice. We were Cub Scout Den Mothers together--so toddler twins, little Diane and too many cub scouts to even contemplate did not even ruffle her feathers. She amazed me--but all the while she taught me. She taught me what was most important in life--family and living life TOGETHER. I would walk into Mary's house when there was not one inch of floor that wasn't covered with children's "things"--no wonder Andy loved being there--I loved being there. I would look for excuses to walk down the street to her house; to be near her, to experience "Mary." We moved away from Skyline Street--but I never moved away from Mary. We stayed connected--for my sake. You see, God knew I needed Mary--and he knew Mary didn't mind me tagging along in her life. I loved Mary--she knew it. I was so proud of Mary--and she knew it. I was amazed by Mary--she did not know that until I broke down when she came walking down the hall by the Student Union Ballroom on November 15, 2007 with Jim quietly by her side and I ran to her and could not let go of her and I told her she has amazed me all the years I have known her. She looked at me and just said, "Well, I am President of Phi Kappa Phi (honor society) and tonight is the banquet." As always, I said, "You're right Mary--you are right." I have been so richly blessed--as have so many others--to have Mary in my life. I love you, Mary, and I will look so forward to seeing you again--when you will show me, once again, how to handle the situation--and I will listen. Rinda (Arterbery) Starr-Alsip
ReplyDeleteI have a favorite moment... I had just handed Kaia to her so she could hold her as she sat in her chair when Kaia cocked up her legs and let out a big loud fart. Had I not known everyone so well, I would have been embarrassed, but instead I just laughed. Mary slowly gave Kaia the "thumbs up" and said, "Fart, Kaia, fart!" It sounded like a game day chant. Hey, she knew it would make Kaia feel better, so she was all for it, in her lap or not.
ReplyDeleteI have grown to love all of you as though you were my own family, and I wish I could be there to help out in some way. We look forward to having you back home though so we (Cory, Kaia, Paula and I) can all give you a big hug.