It's worth very briefly remarking on the irony of Sammie -- the cat. A little more than two years ago, Craig first felt the symptoms of a bleeding kidney yet to be defined as kidney cancer. Almost simultaneously, Sammie was diagnosed with an irregularly shaped kidney yet to evolve into Feline Renal Failure. So began the incredible "cannonball run" of medical tragedy.
Craig began the run with his first round of kidney cancer. He "got better", then Sammie fell ill with Feline Renal Failure receiving a "might have a month left" prognosis. Remarkably, I somehow nursed him back to health. Shortly thereafter, our Mom was diagnosed with devastating brain cancer with Craig being diagnosed with kidney cancer Part 2 only a handful of months later.
I've just returned from "tent city" (Emily's basement), and from giving Sammie his lactated ringers/IV fluids and other medications he receives on a daily basis. I can't help but shake my head and laugh when I think back to the long nights of tears and concern for poor Sammie, whose survival seemed improbable given his advanced symptoms/illness. At the time, that was a significant and legitimate source of distress. Now, I sarcastically say to myself, "Sweetie. You have no idea." Little did I know what was in store and the horror that lay ahead.
Here I am giving Sammie IV fluids...and I no longer have a mother or a brother. Oh, how quickly life can change.
~E
(It was never an either/or scenario and of course I'm happy Sammie's a survivor; it just somehow magnifies and deepens the absurdity of what we've experienced and endured.)
Hope Erin has got my mail. I wasn't hom lately so I could not log in... I still think of you everytime. Thinking mostly of Craig too. I can barely imagine how bizarre it may be to come back among people whose life has not change the way yours have... Tomorrow I will do something for Craig, maybe listen to some Springsteen's song... If cancer could be cured in real life as easily as Lynette in Desperate Housewives that would be great... yet it is no real life. There is in DeLillo's book Manfalling a description of how one of the charecter lived the stairs's descent in one of the tower... I read it as it was a metaphor of how you feel when cancer catches you: Craig and you mom have not survive. And because no one builts memorial to cancer's victims we will built it in our minds and these will be an always living memorial through photos ans videos... Love love to all the Lawler's family, but also Joan's, Bruce's and Donna's. Beatrice
ReplyDeleteBeatrice love to you and your family as well.
ReplyDeleteWill be thinking about you tomorrow Craig! We will all celebrate your life. Fight fiercely is more than a motto or a saying. I don't think my dad was aware how that saying would turn into such an important mind set, and not just one of his quirky sayings that he often came up with. We will try and carry on with our daily lives and things will get back to "normal", if "normal" is out there for you girls and Jim and that is what Mary and Craig would want for all of us to do after the grieving. I pray that Jim and the girls lives take on a less eventful period and they can all do things for each other, be a little selfish enjoy some life experiences again and not be in a place where they are so run down giving all their waking time to another cause. And I pray that Jim finds his own rhythm in his new life, and can laugh again, take up a few interests, keep himself healthy and happy, make new friends, share his experiences like he does his teaching. Jim certainly gets my vote for father of the century, being able to raise such great children who can undertake this last 14 months of horror. Jim I hope you know you are a great father if you doubt that then just look around you. Your kids are unbelievable. Remember we are here if you need us.
I feel so bad I cannot be there for either of the services, it makes me sick but our lives here unfortunately cannot go into stop mode as work needs us. Please don't let the fact that we could not come affect in any way the fact that we do care, we are grieving, I do tear up and have many times this year when I think of you and the kids. I am so sorry about the way things have transpired in 08. I will forever remember 08 as the year I wish never came.
Love Bruce
What Bruce has put into words best explains how I feel . I just can't add to that other than to say I really wish we could be there with you but please know we are with you in spirit and mind. Life does go on whether we want or understand how, it just does.
ReplyDeleteLove to all of you. I sent roses so that each one of you could press it and keep it in memory of a wonderful person we all love and will miss.
Love
Donna
I have lighted yet another candle in memory of Graig, and Mary too. We will be thinking of you all throughout this terribly hard day. Love from your French family, Chris.
ReplyDeleteI have lit yet another candle , in memory of Craig and of Mary too. We will be thinking of you all throughout this terribly hard day. Love from your French family, Chris and Jean-Paul.
ReplyDeleteI also have lit a candle while listening to some of Springsteen's songs (yet I must recognize my two children weren't quite, cause that is how life goes on...). Today was really a bad day yet not as bad as yours must have been... Yet as Bruce said I am sure you will be go on as the great great family you are Diane, Erin, Jill and Jim of course, including Emily that is one of yours now. Love Beatrice
ReplyDeleteThank you Christiane and Beatrice for staying so close to us through this website. Your wise and kind thoughts have been uplifting. Love to each of you...
ReplyDeleteJoan