It's me again. Seems like a long time since I last wrote, but jill and Erin have pretty much said everything I'd want to say and done it far more eloquently.
Today was a hard day. I can't really put my finger on why. It just was. Nothing seems the same anymore and I long for the old days when we were a complete family, all six of us. Maybe that's a selfish feeling, but I have it all the same. I feel a gaping hole now that Mom is gone and I am terrified about losing Craig. He is more than I could of ever hoped for in a big brother and best friend. It's like having your heart ripped out, put through a shredder and stuck back in only to do the whole thing all over again.
D
Diane
ReplyDeleteYou have a inner strength to go on and live with the memories that you are all making now. Life isn't easy but we all do go on and try to cherish what we now have and what we did have. All of you are strong in heart and love. I think of all of you and wish I could take away some of the pain you all endure at this time.
Love
Aunt Donna
Diane,
ReplyDeletecancer makes that happening: suddenly things are not the same and never will be. As Donna says life isn't easy at all but it is worth living anyway. And what you are now doing with Craig makes him think that way, I am pretty sure. Even though your heart is ripped out it will give you some joyce, some day 'cause you so much deserves it, and so Jill, Erin, Emily and you father do... Love
Beatrice
Dearest Lawlers,
ReplyDeleteThis sudden and profound alchemization of Mary and Craig is a stark, radical transformation of your lives and of your world. Shock and disbelief have not dulled your senses or slowed your response. Your very real and present, courageous, gritty and loving characters, while being sorely tested in this overwhelming journey, stand true and strong as a testament to the love that shapes your hearts and souls. When the time comes to let down and give in to grief, continue to hold on to love as fiercely as you are holding on now. Ruby
Dear Diane
ReplyDeleteI remember losing my mother (your Grandma) like it was yesterday. It sounds selfish, but one of the most vivid memories was the terrible feeling of the loss of the perfect "Kennedy family". I knew in theory that losing one member of the family unit (be it the most important member in my view) shouldn't change how the family is viewed by everyone. I remember feeling pretty sad and silly that losing my mother wasn't enough but I was worried about the loss of our perfect unit. We were no longer complete. Well, I guess that was a fairly normal feeling. We were a unit that we took comfort in and were so proud of. Not every kid could say that. You have a wonderful family and now you are facing the loss of two members of your unit. Yup, things are different and you are forever changed and it "sucks". Not a damned thing we can do about that. However, you and your sisters have done something that is wonderful, monumental in fact...you have given time, care, love, laughter and hope beyond anyone's expectations. You have brought joy into not only Mary and Craig's lives but into all the lives of those of us who are reading this blog daily. And while it may not be much help to you now, I think and hope it will be of comfort to you in the weeks, months and years ahead. It's too simple to say "buck up , Diane" "fight fiercely", (and I'm sure you wonder "how do I do that") so I'll just say again. I recognize the stress you are under. Try to take one day at at time. Enjoy each moment you have with Craig. I love you, Diane and I'm in your corner along with a whole slew of other folks who would do anything to take away the pain if they could.
Love,
Aunt Joan