Things have started to quiet down here. I thought that would be a good thing considering the non-stop busy work we've had to do since Mom passed away. But, I'm finding that it's not such a good thing. My mind feels like it's been sat on, stomped on, and smooshed around. Every now and then, images of my Mom before she died run through my mind and I think to myself "What just happened? Did I really just watch her die?" I can't believe it. It seems like if I just turned around, I would see her. I can still feel what it was like to hug her, to look in her eyes and know that we were thinking the same thing. My brain just can't seem to reconcile that this is the way it is, forever.
D
Dear D,J,E
ReplyDeleteI understand how you are feeling right now. I every now and then see Grampa walking from the bathroom to the bedroom looking ever so carefully thinking that he was here by himself. Well he wasn't and I saw him buck naked and that has brought a smile to me and a giggle. I know time will soften the saddness a little but right now you all are coming to grips with the loss of someone so dear. I'm glad to see that you can express yourselves because talking about your feelings and experiences helps so much. Fight Fiercely. Give my best to Craig.
Love
Donna
Diane, Erin and Jill, I am so proud of each of you. You have grown into such fine, beautiful, good hearted and competent women; truly your mother's daughters. I am reminded, reading Diane's July 11 entry, of a realization I experienced a couple of months after my mother's passing in 1987. I was waiting to cross a street one day when suddenly I had this sensation that my mother was near by. Before I could even asses whether what I sensed was reasonable or true I felt her presence in my heart with such a sweet force that I spontaneously wept. I felt this all embracing love that she always offered to me fill me up in such a way that my grief in that moment was entirely relieved; and with it came the dawning of an understanding that everything my mother ever imparted to me is in me. I understood in a flash that she lives on in me. This realization has comforted and occasionally sustained me over the years. Love from Ruby
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