Saturday, July 26, 2008

Torture in the key of ouch--E

If Craig held the answer to Carly Simon's mystery subject in "You're So Vain", he would have spilled the beans long ago with a simple threat of his worst enemy -- sticky medical substances. You could eek out national security secrets if it spared him one second of having to tear precious hair from his skin. It's amazing!! It's probably pretty cold and insensitive to say Craig's a whimp when it comes to tape, but..... Wow. It could be anything from band-aids to surgical tape. Today, it was the dreaded EKG pads leftover from when they monitored his racing heart yesterday evening. He could be drugged off his gourd but will still rise to the occasion to swat away any wayward hands heading in the direction of the sticky tape. He's the only one who has the finesse, patience and gentle hands to peal each microscopic fiber from his skin. As he said, "Mom wouldn't have shown as much mercy." She would have yanked those suckers off along with skin if she had to. Maybe, she would have warned ahead with a quick "hold still", which somehow made her "nurse Mary" moments worse. This -- perhaps, just maybe -- led Craig to be the skittish, tape-fearing gent that he is today. I (and I think Diane and Jill) have a similar fear of those nasty hair rubberbands with the balls on them. Mom would knock those against my head after pulling every strand of hair into an always attractive waterspout. ;) Memories...fond, fond memories.

Jill and Emily tried to help Craig with the half dozen EKG patches; even a nurse was there with her adhesive remover. No dice. This was one man's battle against the evildoer EKGs. After 20 minutes of using the edge of scissors to carefully "shave" the hair, he was free at last.

Note to self: buy economy size Nair for Craig...

~E

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