I can't believe my beautiful brother is dying. I can't believe my beautiful Mom is dead. I can't believe all this is actually happening and not some craptastic OK! magazine story. I'm scared of what awaits when it is all over, and what is left is a gaping hole where a third of my family once was. I'm scared of the sadness and the pain and the long, long road ahead of getting used to it all. I'm scared of watching my dad, sisters, and Emily struggle through this -- of friends/family grieving alone. And, the travesty of travesties about it all is that it's real. This is happening to me, to my sisters and dad, to my brother and mom. This will be my story for the rest of my life. It's interesting, I'll give it that, but not really the bedtime story I'd like to share with my future children. I will, of course. Mom and Craig will be my monuments to tower the grim. But, I would much rather not have to explain to people how Mom and Craig were. I'd like them to know first hand.
An ER security guard asked of mom today. He thought we were in the area for her. "She passed away last month" still doesn't process. I'm scared of the day when it does.
This is the brand we'll have for the rest of time and it's in a place where sleeves won't help. Eventually, it will just be part of me [us], but, right now, it's that thing that catches my eye and hurts like hell.
~E
Here is a copy of the mail we sent on the web site. We attached there the photo we talked about: you can use it, of course, if you want to. Love.
ReplyDelete" As we were reading the last news, as each day, on your web site, Mum, Agnes and I had the same idea at the same time: looking for the photos back to August 1979 when we were in Dearborn with Mary, Jim, Craig and Diane, Joan, Gregory and so on... Even the little Paul was there!!! You and Jill weren't born. As we tried to make up our minds that Craig is dying the three of us have remembered that picture and wanted to send it right away. For Mary, Craig and all of yours are part of our family even though we are far away... We were so glad to be the childs we were, together laughing even if we weren't speaking the same language. I remembered, also, how much I found Diane so pretty and cute!!! Please keep on being a beautiful family: some time, your childs will be looking as your mom and as your brother and there will be another time...
Love
Beatrice, Agnes and Jean-Paul and Chris in Codalet"
Dear Lawlers
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of all of you and send/give my love to Craig.
Aunt Donna
Lawler Family-
ReplyDeleteMy family is sending you prayers in this difficult time.
The Osmuns are thinking about all of you in the beautiful Colorado rockies and want you to know that we love you and are thinking about you each day. Tell Craig there is a whole lot of love being transmitted his way from this direction. Aunt Joan
ReplyDelete