Wisdom before death

Erin and I recently watched an online video of a little boy at the end stages of leukemia.  With just weeks to live, he launched a nation-wide campaign to help feed the homeless.  As we watched him explain his motivation, Erin and I were struck by his composure and wisdom at such a young age.  It’s the same composure and wisdom that we’ve seen in a little girl from Britain, who, at the tender age of 13, had decided to terminate treatment.  And it’s the same composure and wisdom we saw in Mom and Craig when they realized that soon their life would end. 

Most of us would imagine a different reaction, of people going out kicking and screaming or denying fate even as their bodies give way.  I’ve only witnessed the former, or the peace that comes with the realization that death is imminent.  This isn’t to say that facing death is easy.  Even days before his death, Craig expressed concern over how he was no longer able to stand or hold his bladder.  He had seen the symptoms just months before with Mom and knew what they inevitably meant.  And like the lawyer that he was, he tried to problem solve and figure out ways to stall the process, like using Therabands and marching in place.  Yet, though Craig fought hard to stall the process, he accepted his cancer and his inevitable fate with a characteristic grace and wisdom.  He always said: it is what it is.  He expressed as much during my last conversation with him when he told me that he was, and would be, "okay." 

With Mom, too, cancer was her reality.  Though she fought hard for each day, towards the end, she accepted the fact that soon she would pass away, much like her mother did some decades before.  And like Craig would do just a few short months later, she assured me that she was at peace and ready for the eventual end. 

They both had every right to be angry and disappointed and perhaps, in some way, they were.  Yet, I didn't see this side.  Like the little boy with leukemia, they arrived at a point of calm wisdom, a wisdom that comes only when one is able to relinquish control and let go.  Having been witness to both their deaths, I believe that when the time comes, I too will find wisdom and strength in the knowledge of my own passing.  This, I hope.   -- J