True to form, Friday ended in a bang. Following protocol, shortly after Craig passed, we called hospice to help "move the process along." With a pregnant stare, all hell broke loose. The hospice nurse, friendly as she was, gave Emily a look that, in better times, would have been easy to overlook. But, lacking sleep and otherwise delirious, the pregnant stare was more than she could handle. With a quick laugh and a hand over her mouth, Emily retreated to Craig's loveseat to relish in her giggle, while Erin, Diane and I looked on. That we all didn't succumb to hysterical fits of laughter was amazing. On a good day, the creepy full-eyed "stare" would get us laughing. But, unfortunately for us, D, E, and I, we were all so tired that we missed the punch line. Still, it added needed amusement to see Emily genuinely laughing.
Then, the funeral people arrived, and as Dad said, it was as if they pulled them straight from central casting. The show Six Feet Under had nothing on these guys. One guy was clearly in training and parroted everything the first guy did, down to the long handshake and uncomfortable closeness. "I'm sorry for your loss," cue creepy stare. Ohhhh...no you aren't. Let's save us all the pleasantries and just get on with it, for God's sake.
As if the stare and creepy funeral folk weren't enough, our night was punctuated by an ill-timed delivery. It was 9 in the evening and the most we had was a small breakfast and caffeine. We were starved. So, we ordered pizza late in the night. As life would have it, the pizza arrived just when we were preparing to send Craig off to his "cooler resting place" (as Mom's decedent affairs representative would say). Old gallows humor. What can you say? To be honest, it was hysterical. To picture pizza delivery as we were preparing to wheel Craig out into the hall... Uh, you can rest the boxes on the table... I write this knowing that, somewhere, my brother is laughing. And he would. He would laugh his silly little laugh that I've now memorized. His nostrils would flare and he would tell us to stop for fear of his stomach hurting. Craig would always laugh at the slightest thing - no matter how inappropriate. Though it was easy to get him laughing, the rewards were still joyous. I miss his laugh. Craig was a melody in numbers.
After spending Friday and Saturday being pampered at the Ritz Carlton (thanks Jim, Lauren, Stacy, and Manuel), the five of us (Emily included) treated ourselves to our first movie in months. And boy was it a doozie. Wow. Note to self: it's probably not a good idea to immerse oneself in all things loud after a traumatic experience. And it's also probably not wise to choose a movie with a) death; and b) a person named Craig. Yeah. Who knew being sequestered in all things cancer would alter one's tolerance for obnoxious noise. We also have little patience for annoying people; smackers; loud talkers; slow walkers; slow drivers; honkers; and people who are generally loud. Yes, loud noise is now our biggest pet peeve. Emily, Diane and I mumbled our way through Kid Rocks' craptastic song about "warriors" (though I think we would have hated in spite of our current circumstances...psst, Kid Rock, weren't you arrested at the Waffle House???...neat) and plugged our ears during a good portion of "Eagle Eye" with Shea LeBeowolf or whatever his name is. I spy from the corner of my eye, one really bad movie...and a bunch of slobber from someone's mouth. Could someone get Shea a pink sponge to wipe the spittle from his lips?
It's difficult reentering life after being away for so long. I'm not sure I like it. And it will be difficult finding our new equilibrium. That also means that we won't stand for super loud movies and obnoxious gum-smacking, cell-phone answering, children-forgetting, just a few more billable hours, bad-parenting/let the baby-sitter take it kind of crap. It's trite to say but life is too short. Really. Asterisks aside. There's nothing sadder than saying goodbye for the last time. You don't know it until the time is finally there. We're all emerging with a new perspective on life, one that doesn't take it for granted.
"Don't carve me out...don't let your silly dreams, fall in between the crack of bed and the wall..."
I miss you, Craigy... - J
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