Mama bear

Sometimes I feel like a mama bear protecting her cub when it comes to Mom's care. Since she's been in the hospital, it's felt like a daily struggle to remind everyone that she is a person who has cancer and not the other way around.  And not just any person, but someone who has accomplished a lot during her life. Not just for herself, but for our family and the community.  Everyday, we try to convey to the different teams how special she is, not was.  And that she can understand everything they say, not to mention HEAR it.

Which brings me to the mama bear thought. Two days ago the nuerology team came for their rounds with a new attending doc, who happens to be the head of the neurology department.  I was here by myself; Jill and Erin were administering meds either to Craig or the cat (can you believe even our cat gets iv meds??)  Anyway, they came in with four med students which made 7 or eight docs crowded around my moms bed. I could feel her start to get emotional, but decided to sit back and see how things went.  After short introductions, the head doctor began asking her questions and then interpreting what it meant to the team.  It was like Mom was being dissected; like she wasn't even there.  I tried to redirect their questions so that they would engage her, but the doc was too excited about using her as the "ultimate" teaching moment.  Understandable. It is a teaching hospital. But, there are better ways to do it than poking someone and gawking.  Mom started to cry and up I went.  Nobody makes my Mama cry.  Especially after they've been asked nicely to give her space and speak to her.  So, I asked if I could stand at her side and hold her hand while they continued the exam.  She seemed to relax a little when I grabbed her hand, but it still felt like we were under siege; rapid fire questions, chatter amongst the doctors, and this little woman in the bed trying to follow all of it. I began to get pissed.  She deserves better. Why make her feel anymore fear than is necessary?  I noticed myself leaning further and further over her, trying to shield her with my body, mama bear covering her cub.  Not to infantilize my mom or patronize her; she's still the matriarch and runs this show.  I guess the cubs can protect their mamas, too:))

Anyway, it was a pretty horrible experience, although I don't think the docs intended it to be.  The next day, after having dreams where I told certain people where to stick certain things, I made sure we expressed our wish that Mom be spoken to, not about, and that only three or four people come in at a time.  Also, that they ask her permission that students be a part of the team.  I know she doesn't mind, but it shows respect to give her the choice.  Basically, that they treat her sensitively, like a person and not a case.  I think we conveyed that message in a way that Mom would be, and is, proud of and agrees with.  People are actually getting on eye level with her and the volume and content of what is being said is more real and appropriate to who she is. Hopefully, this incident and our overall experience will influence how these doctors treat people in the future. 

D