Finding Our Feet

We thought we knew hard but we had no idea. While having my parents and craig reunite is important and necessary, the actual management of them hit another stratosphere of complexity. A routine has not yet been established and, in so doing, there are always logistical challenges and general pitfalls of the respective diseases to coordinate. Part of yesterday fell victim to establishing a "new normal" here in Denver.

Yesterday was rough for both Craig and Mom, and to attend to each simultaneously with the attention and care that they deserved was not only logistically difficult, but physically demanding. From the early hours of the morning to around 1am, Jill and I were constantly moving whether it was giving Craig his meds, helping him when he vomited, making our parents lunch, doing laundry, or toileting Mom and putting her down for a nap. Of course, we'd do this over and over until the cows came home if it meant that their lives were just a little bit easier for them.

Craig began vomiting Friday night and on into Saturday, so we decided it was best for our Mom to try traveling to his apartment rather than him vomit his way to Brelle's house. However, this wasn't without debate as to who was more fit to travel. The conversation--Erin:"maybe you should stay here today and Mom can come over, since you're sick. Don't think it'd be wise to push yourself." Craig: "Yeah, but all I need is a vomit bucket while Mom seems to need more help getting in and out of cars". What an absurd conversation to be having, if you think about it. Looked at independently, one would say they should stay put where they are given that they are FIGHTING CANCER and have COMPROMISED SYSTEMS, but when paired together--Mom's situation versus Craig's--it's a matter of who is worse at a given moment in time. When you step back from it, you can't help but shake your head and laugh at how ridiculous it is. I convinced him otherwise, but that meant Mom would go through hell.

Mom was tired starting out and maybe a little overwhelmed with the journey to Craig's, which only makes her leg strength diminish at a faster clip. Jill and I did all we could to get her in the car. She apologized that she couldn't help us and that made us even more determined to help her.

It was a protracted process getting over to Craig's, and she had lost all strength by the time we made it to his apartment. We tried to stand her up but her legs were not there...at all. They were crooked, bent, dangling from her body. She could not move them and depended on Jill and I to hold her up. We were on either side, holding on to what we could so that she wouldn't collapse onto the hard pavement below. We somehow were able to get her to her wheelchair without letting her fall. We made it up to Craig's apartment at last, and in time to change her wet britches. I helped Jill get Mom on a portable commode (which we brought with us) and then attended to Craig for his 2pm round of meds.

After lunch and laundry, Craig vomited sometime in the afternoon. There he was heaving over a bucket with our Mom peacefully sleeping in the next room. Despite the horror of that scenario, there's some comfort in knowing that they were sharing space and time going through their respective processes together--albeit completely differently. Later, when she was awake, she'd whisper questions to us about his drug regimen or nausea. It was cute and screamed of motherly love.

At another point during the day, Jill went on a smoothie run for my Mom (protein shake for her afternoon snack). She had to use the toilet right when I needed to switch IV drips. I slowed Craig's IV enough that I could get her on the commode, then switched out his meds (after washing my hands, of course!). Fortunately, Jill  showed up just in time.

Later in the evening, Jill and the rents went out to dinner while I stayed back with Craig, who was still vomiting. Things were slowly falling into place and, when they returned from eating, our Mom seemed much more comfortable. Attending to Craig and Mom became a more manageable process. Emily came over to help with Craig and to meet the parents for the first time in person. Of course, they had "met" on skype but this was the first in-person encounter. Mom cried a bit, as was expected. Unfortunately, I was giving Craig his 10pm meds, which knocked him out and he couldn't participate in the "meet the parents" experience. No bother. It is what it is. We throw status quo and "normal expectations" to the wayside, taking each moment as it comes---casually and with open hearts. Pretty quickly, we were joking around with Jill and Emily on the floor and the parents lounging in wheelchair or chairs.

The long day was finally over and Mom did much better getting in and out of the car to head home. She was much stronger standing on her feet. Craig's vomiting had resolved (for the most part), as well. By the end of the night, we had found our feet...literally and figuratively. ~E